


Visitor

by pantaloonwarrior



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Coming Out, Friends With Benefits, Jealousy, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Overstimulation, Rough Sex, Smut, Trench Era, Unrequited Love, and some more smut, experimenting, fight for dominance, getting caught
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-01-31 05:07:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21440707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pantaloonwarrior/pseuds/pantaloonwarrior
Summary: Josh is getting married. Tyler has no weapons against the shame that climbs on his cheeks.He didn’t mean to say his name in bed.
Relationships: Josh Dun/Tyler Joseph, Tyler Joseph/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All I have to say is that Tyler’s been flirting with this guy for years now (for real) and I wanted to write a fic about it... and then it took a weird turn. I’m sorry.
> 
> Enjoy.

“I don’t like this man.”

It was a rare occasion of Josh saying anything bad about anyone, but today, it comes out straight and abrupt. So uncommon, it makes Tyler to skip a beat for a second. Josh’s hands are shoved deep into his pockets, coffee-less as they walk down the hotel corridor to get into the cars to start their day.

“Who? James?”

“I forgot you know his name,” Josh says in amazement, turning to look at Tyler. This morning is full of surprises. “Yes, him. I think he’s a bit too arrogant.”

“Camera can do that to some people,” Tyler says indifferently. “I think he’s okay.”

“It’s weird of you to say that about anyone, really,” Josh notes, and Tyler wants to shoot his words right back. But he holds his tongue, simply saying,

“He’s been a friend of the band for years.” He follows Josh, staying right at his tail, letting him guide them to the wanted location.

For _Trench_ is out, and they’re out as well; doing interviews and answering questions is fun, Tyler loves opening up about the new world he knows like that back of his hand by now, and he’s careful enough to leave some of the things still in the dark for the fans to find out later. It’s like an eternal treasure hunt, and reading about people’s theories online only adds to his excitement. It helps him to stay distracted, open-minded for the future.

He tries to enjoy these moment as long as they last; in time, the questions start to taste like dry cardboard, Tyler knows, and chewing on them only makes his jaw ache. Adding water to it doesn’t help either, and Tyler finds himself struggling to figure out what to give to the media and its people. They never really seemed to work out the way to do their research, to think and keep things fresh. And Tyler is desperate to make these people to think.

But it’s not that easy.

By now, they’re big enough to have a say in who they share themselves with. Tyler might not have the best remembrance for places, but he’s good with faces. They can say _ no _ to the people who simply don’t get it, he doesn’t have to explain why he doesn’t want to chat with a guy who keeps asking him _ what _a Blurryface is.

It’s all about who the person is, he’s learnt to pay attention to these things by now after burning himself out during The Emotional Roadshow and nearly wanting to quit everything with all the other issues he had going on in his life that time.

Like the divorce. 

Falling into a year-long silence had given him the time and the peace he needed to sort everything out without having to make an official announcement about it. It was a much needed break for his mental health, or that’s what he told everyone who knew. However he had the tendency to isolate himself from the outer world, even his family. They only thought that he needed to work it out by himself, and let him be. With no one there to give him the help to get his life into a consistent rhythm, his life had spiraled into another depressive era.

Feeling like a failure, Josh was the only one there for him. It really helped him to climb back up from the deep hole he had managed to drown himself in, and only thinking about these things makes his heart sink, fingers fiddling with the skin around his ring finger - the spot where his wedding band used to be.

It makes him sad. He’s never been good at adapting to big changes in his life, but fighting against them never really helped either. Last year, he simply started to accept himself as who he was and everything that came with it. To do so he had to stop lying to himself, knowing fully well that the road he's going to take will not be an easy one.

It’s been a hard lesson to learn, bitter to no end, and Tyler wonders. Pretending was harsh, and the latest hole was an actual rock bottom, if he could allow himself to call it that. So deep and dark, he wouldn’t have been able to climb out by himself.

Working with the new album hadn’t been possible before that, either, and that’s when Josh had jumped into this sinking tugboat and helped him drop everything in order for Tyler to save himself. He had to figure everything out and get used to his new life, firstly admitting that the house he lived in was too big for just one person.

All the changes scared the hell out of him, and only now has he realized that he couldn’t have done it without having his best friend’s shoulder to cry on when it all got too much and made him second-guess all his life choices so far.

It wasn’t a coincidence that it reminded him of the time when he had done the same for Josh as he had struggled with his relationship. 

It all matched. Tyler’s heart made a leap for the fact that Josh wanted to repay his actions. Soft, curious touches and day-long cuddle sessions in an unmade bed were thrown back to them all over again. Only this time the album cycle was different, and Tyler found himself to be the one to be held by Josh this time. During Blurryface era, Tyler had borrowed his shoulder for Josh as his long-time dating with Debby Ryan had hit the shoal, and hence, the actual rock bottom of Josh Dun’s life.

It really had broken his heart to see Josh in such a mess, to lose his usual self and start withdrawing from their crew and family members. To start withdrawing from Tyler.

There was no way he would allow that, and so he didn’t.

Days, weeks, months and years passed, and they were doing just fine. However Tyler had felt an odd pinch of jealousy when Josh had started constantly flying back and forth between Columbus to LA over their break again, up to the point he hardly came back anymore.

The first time he knew that something was going on was when Josh wouldn’t let him come to his place when they had shot the music video for Heathens. And it bothered him to no end, up to the point he couldn’t get his peace before squeezing the truth out of him by the end of the month.

He was not surprised to find out that they were back together after what he thought was years of silence between the two. It was all a lie after all, and Tyler felt addled that he had hard time coping with that. Mostly because he was already struggling with his own marriage, only to get a divorce a year later. After that, he was alone again, with no one there to keep him company. Feeling disappointed and insufficient even for himself, Tyler was desperate to get the closeness he was suddenly dependent on again.

Being alone, he had the chance to experiment with himself and finally explore his sexuality on a deeper level, despite being afraid of it at first. More so, he was afraid of letting other people in on his experiments. All of them strangers he'd been following for some time now, and all of them were men, to be exact.

His family kept asking if he was dating anyone. He’d only scoff, and tell them he was not ready. Not yet, that is, and it was true.

But he’d still meet some people. Some of them were already familiar, people who would understand where he was coming from.

Today was all about meetings as well, and Tyler was tired. With the new album out, the label sends them do all the promotion now, since they had deeply declaimed to do that on the _ hiatus _, as everyone kept calling it.

It took some time to get used to the constant traveling again. Early mornings, late nights, Josh and his companion were complaining. Tyler had no one to complain to, even if he wanted to. As for now, Jim was the only one not barking, and Tyler found himself being jealous of the damn beast as well. 

Even so, things get easier once he has the sense of control in his hands. His stomach makes flips in these unnamed sensations today, something mixed with nervousness, but also excitement.

And Josh says,

“I don’t like this man,” and Tyler wonders what the day is gonna be like after the sun sets. 

*  
  


He hasn’t changed.

James is a tall man, confidence shining through his every feature. The tabs on his shirt are ridiculously open from the top, a familiar waft of perfume reaching Tyler in a way that makes him want to be somewhere else before even getting his mouth open for the interview.

Tyler gets up to shake hands with him, and stiffens momentarily when James pulls him into a full hug instead. It’s awkwardly lose on his part, the gesture always throwing him off guard; Tyler doesn’t even have time to stand up fully before arms wrap around him. His hands pat the other man’s shoulder blades flatly, while the other grabs him tightly. 

“Good to see you again, Tyler,” the man says warmly, an obvious smile on his face.

Tyler sits back down quickly after that, fixing his hat. Josh gets his hug, too, better prepared although Tyler can see his reserved eyes, standing dull in his face despite his mouth spilling pleasantries.

They get to the interview, or more like to the riddles. On the professional side, the interview is not an interview at all, and Tyler feels grateful about it; James has his own way with everything, entertaining them with his weird sense of humor that oddly matches his own.

Luckily he's in the mood. The older man is openly flirtatious, touchy up to the point Tyler finds himself scooting closer. He knows what he’s trying, and can’t help but fall into these gestures. Beside them, Josh finds himself left out of their chirping. He gets his attention drawn to something else then; Josh’s watch keeps blinking with incoming messages; Tyler is constantly throwing side-glances his way, growing distracted as Josh gets distracted.

He can’t see what’s on the screen, but he doesn’t have to see much to figure out what’s going on and let his annoyance boil over. 

”Dude, what are you doing?” Tyler snaps abruptly, talking over the interviewer. Josh’s head snaps up as well; the ring falls silent, Tyler’s eyes stare annoyed at the other.

It’s so abrupt, everything just stops at his words.

“If you could focus just for one second that would be cool. Just drop that thing, okay,” Tyler says and looks away when Josh doesn’t answer, not caring that the people behind the camera stare at him shockingly. 

Josh stays silent, pulling his sleeve over his watch. The air thickens, Tyler might seem collected, but inside, he can feel a lump gathering in his throat, breathing thickening.

He shouldn’t have done that. He couldn’t control himself.

Struck down by their weird behavior, James watches them interact. The older man looks back and forth between them, before looking back at his phone, moving on to the next question.

The rest of the interview isn’t any easier. Once the recording stops, Josh bounces up faster than Tyler has ever seen. 

“I’m going. The park was not far away from here. I’m taking Jim for a walk with Debby,” Josh says without giving it much more thought about it and goes to the door. “Got texts he wasn’t behaving as I was away.”

“O-okay,” Tyler stutters in the lack of better words, starting to uncap his water bottle with weak fingers. “I guess I’ll just-“ he goes but stops when Josh checks his watch for one last incoming message. 

Josh is moving before he even explains. He clearly doesn’t feel the appeal after Tyler’s snapping, and Tyler feels his tail slipping between his legs, about to apologize.

But Josh is faster. 

“I gotta get going,” he says emotionless. “I’m already late.”

“Josh-“

“You probably find your way out on your own.”

Tyler hears an amused snort from his right, cutting his words short. Josh hears it too, and turns back to look with a frown on his face, staring the man that sits on the couch next to him. However James is on his phone and the answer to whether the man was laughing at them or something on the screen is unknown to him, as the other man doesn’t seem to pay much attention to the two anymore.

There are people around them, talking. Tyler screws the bottle tighter nervously. Nearly afraid to look back at Josh, Tyler lifts his eyes like a guilty dog. In the end Tyler wished he didn’t. Josh is looking at him irated, and leaves without another word.

Tyler blinks in disbelief.

What just happened?

Tyler ducks his head out to the corridor.

Too many directions. He doesn’t remember which way they came, and his manager is still talking with someone else. Tyler is afraid to run after Josh without getting lost. 

It’s then when he feels another presence behind him. 

It’s James, he meets his eyes immediately, and Tyler feels his breath hitching.

But he speaks. “Can you show me to the exit?” 

*

They’ve fucked before. He’s in confusion of the right months, but it hasn’t been too long time ago. He still doesn’t know how it happened, Tyler can only remember a vague hint of James offering his help when they had done their first interviews— the one that never aired after Tyler had gotten too deep for his liking. It was the time when he was trying to figure out things about himself, then simply ending up taking the wrong road. He’s come back to the starting point now, taking the earlier abandoned direction.

He can’t remember how they ended up texting again, and why he had told about his failed marriage to the other. He can’t remember what they had talked about either, but the week had ended with a meeting in a hotel room and Tyler’s first time of being with a man. 

And that’s when he decided he liked it.

It didn’t end up being a one time thing. And today, Tyler finds himself walking beside the older man again, as he helps him out of the building.

He hadn’t planned anything. Probably. But it’s not that different from the last time. James puts his hand on Tyler’s shoulder before they separate. Tyler drops his eyes, emotionless at the gesture. It’s warm, the air is warm, but the touch starts a shiver through his system. Secretly, he hopes it doesn’t show.

“Can I text you later?” James asks and pats his fingers on their spot with a smile on his face. Tyler doesn’t answer, but only breathes. Is he this easy to read?

James smiles. “I’ll text you.”

*

  
His reflection glares down on him as he sits at his laptop, headphones on as he hears a knock at the door of his hotel room later that night. Squeezing his phone in his hand, Tyler swipes his thumb over the faint warmth of it. 

Colors of orange and yellow street lamps shine below his dark hotel room windows. Everything else is black. Dry, parched leaves rustle way below his windows. Tyler can almost hear their fight against each other, almost, but his beats beat him to it.

He makes no attempt to get up for his guest. Tyler stares at the screen, different lines of all colors shifting on the screen and making noise in his brain. 

He bops his head to the music faintly, thinking, contemplating. It ends with a sigh. Pressing a few buttons, he trashes yet another song. The cooked up beats live for a second just so that they could die in a silent rustle as the file disappears into nothingness.

Tyler gets up, his shoes shuffling over the carpeted floor. His phone goes to his back pocket. 

The door opens. The bright lamps from the hallway bring light into the dim room. 

It’s James standing behind the door. Had it been anyone else, Tyler would have been surprised. And disappointed. He hates it when someone makes him wait.

Having no problem for waiting himself, the interviewer leans against the wall and smiles at him. “Hi,” he says sheepishly. Tyler doesn’t believe this tone. “May I come in?”

Tyler makes room for him, receding back to the darkness.

“Oh,” James stops upon seeing the laptop. “Were you working?”

“It’s okay,” Tyler says bluntly, closing the lid. “Just finished,” he continues and leans on the table, his right hand going into his pocket.

Assuming it’s safe to approach him now, James walks to him casually. He looks out of the window. “Quite a view huh? Have you enjoyed your stay in California?”

Tyler hums, eyeing down at the city. “It’s been… it’s been okay,” he says and nods, fending off with his words. He hates it here.

“I guess it doesn’t feel like home for you,” James says, somehow seeing through him again. “Even though the entire world is your home now.”

“That’s a stupid thing to say,” Tyler says flatly, feeling a scratch of irritation start in the back of his head. “I’m not in the mood for any more shit today, honestly.”

“Oh yeah? How about dropping the words then?” 

A mask over his face, Tyler doesn’t let it betray his anticipation, the one thing that makes him breathe thicker again.

James takes a step closer to him. He takes another one, standing taller over him. And Tyler, he looks at him right in the eye, allowing the large hand to curl around his neck and a warm breath ghost over his lips.

“That’s why we’re here, right?” the older man remarks deeply, and connects their mouths together.

Arrogant, Tyler agrees with Josh’s words and lets himself get into the kiss. He shouldn’t start with the taste, but it’s the first thing his sensors register. Coffee, dulled with a faint sense of peppermint sweeps over the blackness of his closed eyes, way before he can get any deeper. It makes him wonder, weird thoughts sweeping into his head, but he can’t stay disconnected for long; James pushes, and Tyler gives back, getting on the track again.

James’ hands move from his neck. His shoulders, his shoulder bones. He does smell good, Tyler has to admit, testing the waters and starting to undo the buttons on the older man’s shirt that are halfway open already.

James stops him.

“You are so tense,” he notes straightforwardly. Not knowing what the other means by that, the remark starts a pinch of annoyance in his system. But then James moves his hands aside, starting to undo Tyler’s pants instead. Pulling them down alongside with his boxers, the older man sinks slowly on his knees while freeing him from the unnecessary layers. A nip of cold air runs through him before James’ dry hand wraps around him. “Doesn’t Josh look after you at all?”

Tyler frowns, nearly flinching at the weird question. “What do you mean?” 

“Does he take care of you like this?” 

“Josh is not gay,” Tyler says nearly interrupting his guest, a sense of disgust lowering his tone.

“Yeah? What about you? Have you come out yet?” 

Tyler gulps at his words, staring down with pained, wide eyes as James slowly takes a hold of his hips.

James shifts his gaze forwards, moving his hand once before leaning forth. “You guys are wasting yourselves,” he says and wraps his lips around the head of Tyler’s cock, only to swallow him all the way, slow but certain.

The sudden wetness forces Tyler to close his eyes. He swallows again dryly, taking a step back to lean his hands on the table. He’s stumbling with his pants around his thighs and the tight ring of James’ lips pop off at his moving, but the interviewer follows, shuffling on his knees to have a taste of him again. 

The hand is there, slowly pumping him before receding, and all Tyler can feel are the tip of fingers on him, lightly massaging his base as the tongue comes back, swiping the underside of his cock to the very tip before coming around him again, sucking.

Tyler’s breathing deepens as he tries to keep his own mouth under control. It’s been so long since someone has given him oral, has given him anything more than what his own hands can provide. He lets go of the sharp edge of the table, leaving sweaty prints behind and finding their way on James’ shoulders. Light, careful, Tyler doesn’t allow himself to show his desperation as his blood rushes from his head to the opposite direction.

“There’s no shutting you up during interviews, but here, you’re quiet. I want to hear you Tyler. Hear what beautiful little sounds you’re able to do off stage too.”

Tyler grunts, doesn’t meet the eyes that address him. 

James spreads his legs wider, finding Tyler’s muscles resist and probably trembling in his grip.

It’s their game. 

“So tense,” James says and takes him in his mouth again, and Tyler is fully hard.

James bobs his head, tongue gliding easily over his hardness. Tyler’s mouth gapes open the slightest, he concentrates on the feeling, feeling himself slipping.

But James has to come up for air, talking just to breathe.

“Do you think Josh would be any good at this?”

Tyler feels his anger boil over. This time, having no control, Tyler grunts sharply, taking a hold of James’ neck and shoving himself deeper to shut his _ fucking mouth. _The man on his knees doesn’t take his sudden move leniently; he chokes around him, growling angrily as he slams Tyler’s hands away and gets roughly back up on his feet. He doesn’t do it quite harmlessly— Tyler bites down a pained yelp as the withdrawing teeth scrape against his swollen cock before blazing eyes rise and come back on his level.

They stare at each other angrily, a well build tension sparks between them with heavy breathing. It catches on fire as James comes closer, Tyler presses his arm between them to keep his distance, but the bigger man knows better than to leave it at that. He pushes himself to Tyler’s space, trapping him on the spot but stopping before they can really connect again. Tyler doesn’t pull away, nor does he push him off, and James kisses him on the mouth. His head knocks against Tyler’s cap that slips up to his forehead at the force. James grabs it, slamming it on the floor to kiss him harder. 

And Tyler takes it, eyes shut. This time, the taste on his tongue makes him shiver.

“I see you’ve grown quite arrogant since the last time I saw you,” James quips with a challenging tone before kissing him again. “I like that.”

He pushes Tyler, his back presses against the table again with a bruising force— it knocks against the wall time and again, making ugly noises to alarm the neighbors.

Tyler fights for dominance, letting his arms keep him steady, but James’ hands come up, loosely wrapping them around his neck again before squeezing lightly, and a shiver that goes through him doubles at the touch, stripping him from control.

Finally, Tyler moans, breaking the kiss and throwing his head back just to breathe, giving the interviewer an access to his feral pulse. It’s a win that he hates losing, a win that he didn’t want to give up easily. But now his head is pulled back by his hair, greedy lips close around a bundle of skin where an equally arrogant tongue is working on the spot.

His pleasured noises make the breath on his neck quiver. Their hips come together as the lips change to nipping, the same blunt teeth pulling and stretching his skin, leaving behind a radiating warmth on the spot. The rough material of James’ jeans scratch against his unprotected wet skin, pressing hard into him as the other man starts grinding against him in slow, rough movements.

Tyler is panting for a breath by the time James pulls away.

“You need this hard, huh? Rough and quick, Tyler? Answer me.”

Tyler bites his lip, and finally nods, giving in to his needs. James kisses him for it, hard and dirty. There are flames destroying his body. He needs to put them out, or they’ll be doomed.

It’s then when James asks him,

“Do you want to take this to bed?”

“Yeah,” Tyler releases, shaking. “Whatever.”

James grabs his shoulder to push him. “Don’t talk to me like that. Get there. Clothes off.”

Shaky feet, Tyler nearly stumbles with his pants still hanging halfway down his thighs. He keeps his balance.The bed is not far when he’s alone in one-person room.

The mattress feels firm when he reaches it. Toeing out of his pants, Tyler pulls his hoodie over his head. Its yellow color pools on the floor. The rustling noise around his ears doesn’t warn him of James standing behind him again, hands around his hips and pulling his t-shirt over his head before pushing him down to the bed. 

Tyler falls down, gets up and crawls to the head of the bed. He pulls the satiny blankets aside, too slippery for his liking. 

Only with his pants on, James is on him again. Kissing, grunting, hands wander over the heated skin, and Tyler can’t care for the fact that he’s the only one naked. But then James halts, stopping abruptly as an idea occurs to him, ordering, 

“Turn around,” and Tyler frowns but complies, lifting his ass. 

Bold fingers waste no time. They go straight to his hole, rubbing but not doing anything to enter. The feeling still makes his back arch, something he’s not quite used to.

James circles his hole, molding his flesh, warming him up. Tyler’s eyes wander back to the room worriedly, landing on his abandoned bag on the loveseat.

He goes to scramble up. “The lube-“

“I brought my own. Stay down. Hands and knees.”

James pulls a small tube from his pocket. The sound of the cap popping open nails Tyler on the spot with a shaky breath on his lips.

“You thought I’d go in dry?”

Tyler doesn’t answer.

“I’m gonna stretch you open first,” James says huskily before adding less intensely, “Don’t worry.”

Tyler creases his brows, before shaking it off against the sheets to get on. “Hurry up,” he snaps, earning a slap on the bare skin of his ass.

The spot is still stinging as three fingers work him open. It feels weird, he’s still getting used to the feeling despite he’s done it before. They’ve done it before, and the older man’s longer fingers serve him just right. It gets rougher, the three are on the border of being too much and just enough— they press and probe against his walls, searching and looking. Tyler pushes back against them, fixing his position, feeling the wet tip of his cock bob against himself.

Then, his mouth gapes open, lips dragging against the sheets, watery. His pleasure comes out voiceless despite his body reacting, unable to even make a sound.

“Thought so,” James mutters to himself. His fingers move and then recede, only to come back with more lube again, relentlessly pressing into his prostate now.

Tyler is leaking, pre-come dribbling between his legs. Concentration streaming out with it, Tyler gets pulled back only after the fingers go, the lacking physical contact leaving him regrettably cold.

He doesn’t have to wait for long. Wet noises ensuing, James rolls on a condom and coats himself with more lube. Holding his hips with his other hand, Tyler feels a compelling hardness looking for a way to enter. 

“You’ll take it, all of it,” James tells him stoutly, holding his base before starting to ease himself in; Tyler makes a feeble sound, feeling his body resist from places the older man’s fingers didn’t quite reach. 

James rams himself inside, pulling back every once in a while before going fully in. Groaning, he tells how good he feels around him, how hot and firm. Tyler believes him from the way he feels himself.

A pace is set. His body resists what it can, but adapts forthwith. The sensation is wild, it’s still new, still exciting. He grunts and he moans, but likes it all the same. His forearms keep him up, meant to hold him steady as the force behind him drives to debase his balance.

His body grows restless, humming and bending, it’s only then when he realizes how much he needed this. Sexual frustration is a nuisance, and the thought of getting off like this makes him weak from the knees.

“Oh…”

“Yeah? You like that?” James asks, Tyler can imagine the face he makes behind his back from his voice alone, harsh but pleased. 

Their skin slaps together in a steady measure. He’s about to relax into it, until James speaks and brings him back.

“I bet… you’re dreaming of Josh fucking you like this.”

Tyler freezes. He’s not sure if he heard it right, so he doesn’t answer. Only gasping in confusion, the harder thrusts beat the breath out of him.

“It’s not my business,” James pants, “but you’ve always wanted him. You’ve always… wanted him just for yourself.”

Tyler’s head drops, trying to look over his shoulder, but his muscles are already weakened.

“What— are you talking about?” 

“Does it hurt that he’s the only thing that you can’t have? That someone else is taking him away from you? He’s getting married_, _Tyler…”

“_No,” _Tyler outs, pulling on the pillow and hiding his face into its cover. 

“You’re in the position of getting anything you want, but _ him_...” James says in a hushed tone, and Tyler can’t understand.

Why is he doing this?

“Want him to walk in on us, to see you like this? You should start sharing rooms again, just for this.”

Tyler shakes his head violently, his dick twitching uselessly at the words thrown at him. He could barely hold himself together anymore, both ends threatening to burst with the older man still thrusting in and out of him.

“Stop,” Tyler finally finds his voice again, tears starting to burn in his eyes, shame coating the surface. “Stop talking about Josh.”

James doesn’t answer, but only squeezes his body, molding his flesh like warm plasticine before suddenly curling his hand around his cock, starting to jerk him off quickly. 

“You can say his name if you want.”

Tyler nearly cries and laughs at the same time. “What—“ 

“Come on,” James growls, thrusting in hard and throwing off a faster pace. 

It takes him off guard, how the force strips him from any clear thought that moment.

Tyler screams, loud and clear. James hits him right on his prostate, never really receding as the thrusts are fast and short. The sound of bruising skin deafens his ears, it all brought to him like a lightning. If James says anything else, Tyler doesn’t hear him. His entire body pulls taut, a knot tightens inside of him, screaming for release.

His hips jerks uncontrollably, both into James’ fist and his thrusts, legs holding him up slip without him knowing. James pulls him back from his hips, never letting him fall as his mind starts blacking out on the crumbled up sheets, black spots seizing his vision. The older man pulls him up from his throat abruptly— Tyler’s sharp Adam’s apple stabs the center of his palm, Tyler whimpers in defeat; James sneaks his arm over his chest and around his throat to hold him close, nearly choking him. His hand jerks him off ruthlessly, all the while slamming into him from behind, and Tyler can’t do it.

“Say it,” James tells into his ear, and Tyler’s jaw locks around his breathlessness, fevered bursts of air come out through his nose.

“Say it,” and Tyler bawls.

“Fuck, fuck, I— _ J-Josh—_"

It’s not really the name that gets him off, however he can’t help the chaotic fantasy flash in his mind and the forbidden image release all the restraints inside of him. His come breaks free before he has the time to fully process what’s happening; his orgasm is so intense that all his muscles constrict him at the same time, like a seizure, or that’s how he feels. 

Tyler gasps for breath with his stomach wet, his body wet, still shooting and feeling the essence dribbling to the hot palm moving messily around him. Hair sticking to the sweat on his forehead, he’s shoved roughly back down, quicker than he can demur. Too worn out to get words past his lips, Tyler’s fists find the sheets, holding, clutching—

James thrusts until he gets his own release. Dick trapped between the sullied textiles, their weight keeps rutting Tyler harder into the mattress, while the other man beats him to a wave of over sensitivity.

It hits him hard. Moving as if being shocked, the sheets come off from the corners as Tyler yanks at them, kicking. He tries to scramble away, but the big hands on his hips are unyielding, keeping him in place.

”Ah!”

James moves, once, twice, and halts. It’s over. Tyler can feel the other’s pulse inside him and the warm cum filling the condom, twitching and blazing against his prostate. It hurts. It forces him to squirm. 

Tyler screws his eyes shut, unaware of the salty trails squeezing out. He waits for the moment to be over. He simply has no words until the very end when James pulls out of his used hole and lets go of him, allowing him to fall onto his side and Tyler does, limbs limp and powerless.

He’s spent, wet, and filthy. A hot trail sticks to his palm and fingers as he draws them against his body and stomach.

Tyler’s hand flies to his face. Sweaty hair moves aside to get replaced by his own come. 

_What the hell has he done?_

It’s quiet, and it’s only after a while that Tyler realizes that it’s loud because of his ears are ringing.

It’s also then when he realizes that the irregular breathing that fills his senses are his own.

For a moment, he focuses just to breathe. He has to. Refusing to let it break out of his hands, Tyler feels the familiar feeling of a panic trying to wrap around his lungs.

He has it under control. Deep breaths. It’s okay. He’s been here before, he knows how to do this. 

He must be doing a good job, for the man that has just fucked his brain out doesn’t notice anything. Tyler is grateful, but the dim light grabbing on the wet stain on his face is the thing that pulls the other close again.

James comes down to kiss the smudges off. He only gets one. Tyler ducks his head away, roughly wiping the wetness on the pillow case, his eyes, his face. The mouth leaves a scorching spot behind that can’t be washed off. Tyler grunts, stiffly holding the other away from his quivering body parts.

James allows it without pushing any further. He knows when to do that, too. 

Getting slowly up, the colder air gets between them and sticks on the sweat over his skin. Tyler shivers, blindly pulling a blanket to cover himself as James ties up the condom to get rid of it. Where he puts it, Tyler doesn’t know. He’s staring elsewhere, trying to ignore the messed up bed and the fact that he was the one to make it.

Consciously staying away from certain places in his mind, Tyler struggles. He feels sated, but the shameful aftertaste doesn’t let him relax fully, and it takes the edge from his pleasure. He finds himself in more frustration, the upset beat of his heart finding no rest.

Losing the fight, Tyler gets punched by the image of his friend, smiling, tongue peeking out as his eyes squint. He then remembers Josh’s angry eyes, just when they departed after the interview today, stomach flipping at the memory.

Shit. They haven’t even texted after it, and Tyler wants to gorge his eyes out, feeling as if they _ knew_, judgingly looking at him in his mind. The images vivid, the irrational part of him is afraid that he’d have to apologize to _ both _of them.

He said his name_. _ Oh, _ god, _he said his name.

Quiet, James stares at him unmoving, his eyes sharply trained on him. He’s slightly out of breath himself and for a while they’re just silent, the tension fading away in the thick air. 

The whole room smells like sex. Tyler wants to rip the windows open.

And then it comes, the sweet question that will never gain anything in return.

“Are you okay?” 

Tyler’s fingers fiddle uselessly beside his head. He wipes his face again. He’s ashamed, only judging himself. 

He gets up wobbly, not caring of spreading the mess around. His hand moves to roam his hair anxiously. “Doesn’t it bother you? That I-“ Tyler stops. He can’t say it. Saying it out loud would return the name a face. He can’t do it.

He looks straight at the other, feeling utterly pathetic. James sighs.

“It doesn’t bother me. But you... you’re troubled as hell, man. I can tell that you’re not happy with your situation at all.”

Tyler is quiet, thinking of all and everything.

And when James says, “You have to figure it out,” Tyler wants to stab the pillow with a knife.

“There’s nothing to _ figure out,” _he hisses nearly aggressively. 

James’ look gives him nothing. He doesn’t need these answers, he doesn’t need the questions like Tyler does. 

Tyler shoves his head back in the pillows, groaning. Having wished that he could get his foul mood fucked out of him, Tyler closes his eyes in disappointment as it only made him think _ more. _

“Anyway,” Tyler sighs defeated after a while, listening to the sounds of James getting dressed. “Thanks for doing this again. I’m… I appreciate it,” he admits, starting to feel drowsy.

“Of course,” James says. He pulls his jacket over his shoulders. “I’ll see you again, Tyler. We’ll do more riddles then,” he promises lastly, straightening his collar before leaving the room.

Alone again, Tyler sits up to look around himself. The room is still dark, his clothes on the floor, the little lamp at the opposite corner of the room the only source of light. 

He needs this, silently reassuring himself as his fingers nip the skin around his finger again. He needs this to take apart his walls, only so he can build them up again. Maybe next time, they will be stronger. Maybe next time… he won’t wait until it’s too late.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ahem* Oops. A sequel happened. I didn’t really plan this out but I still felt like I had something to add to this thing, and it came together surprisingly quick.
> 
> I’m still practicing. Hope you like it!

The skin around his ring finger is irritated from him picking on it so much. It shouldn't be such a big deal, not anymore, but he finds himself restless, unable to concentrate on anything.

Years ago on this day, he had proposed to the woman he thought he’d spent his whole life with, only to watch their story crumble into pieces and end into a horrid crash. He tries not to think about it, but the damage has been done, indelibly so, and Tyler feels himself sink into it again.

It's a tough thing to admit. The tour has begun, they’re going places, and only today his thoughts are racing. He hadn’t arranged anything for the day, but a little bit of distraction would do him some great favor right now.

Lucky for him, there's always some company for him in these parts whenever everything else felt foreign and off place.

And so, the door to his hotel room has opened and then closed yet again today. A plain greeting and an innocent hug later, James catches something from the air, somehow getting his mood despite him trying to push it down. Their relationship is weird, Tyler has to admit, however skipping his usual denial as it has become the best part of these trips as everything else tended to bring him down.

On bed they’re kissing, slowly touching, and that something he tries so hard not to think about is still there, refusing to stay hidden. 

”What’s wrong?” James asks, pulling back before he can get his hands under his shirt. Staring at him, looking for answers, James connects the puzzle pieces himself when Tyler doesn't say anything.

His expression changes into worry. ”I didn’t go too far last time, did I?” he asks, and it takes a moment for Tyler to understand what he’s talking about. His breathing cuts out for the shortest moment as he does. The memory of said names. The odd images sparking in his head fill him with something unnamed. He wishes he could deny it all, but the moment he shakes his head as a no, Tyler knows he’s not fooling anyone.

”I didn’t mean to make you feel ashamed, you know that? I don’t want that to any of my partners in bed, I promise.”

Shame, huh? Tyler wonders, moving the word around his tongue, however giving no voice to it. He’s had his fair share of shame in bed by now. 

He shakes his head. It’s not about the last time. James looks at him, eyes all curious, studying Tyler like his face had something to it.

“What?"

”Do you want to try something different today? Tell me,” James says and goes back to kiss him, his mouth, his jaw, only to move lower. And the question, it makes him tremor, however not in a good way as James mouths his chest through his shirt. 

”No, it’s not that…”

“Is it hard for you to say what you want sometimes?” James asks straightforwardly. His breathing pushes through the fabric of his shirt. Tyler gulps. He knows he’s not aiming to make him feel uncomfortable, but even still, his first instinct is to try and swallow his anxiety, giving it no words.

“Maybe,” he croaks out eventually, and, damn, it’s more than he has ever admitted to even himself, and saying it out loud starts a dam worth of insecurities swell inside him.

And when he draws some space between them to sit up, James does the same, having no reason to push things whenever Tyler felt disconnected but needed some closeness all the same.

His hands tighten around a pillow he’s grabbing, a desperate attempt to cover himself somehow, his fears rising loud and clear now. He can either let them come out or keep them locked up inside forever. James’ look softens upon seeing him lock up on the spot.

“What happened, Tyler?”

He stares in front of him. “That’s what I’d like to know, too.” His leg dangles over the edge, troubled. “This is so stupid,” he says lowly, getting up, going straight to the window. Running his fingers through his hair, Tyler pulls at the end. “It’s simply just a shitty day," he quietly talks to his reflection. "Anniversaries, proposals, fights, divorces, it all just comes back today. I’m just not fucking over it, I guess.”

James hums.

”Sorry. This is a cliche, right? A guy who’s still not over his ex cries his heart out when meeting other people. Must be annoying.”

”No, that’s okay.”

”If you say so,” Tyler mutters, shrugging. He keeps holding the pillow, walking back to the bed. ”We didn’t try hard enough to keep things going. Then again, the things we did feel so fucking stupid now.”

”Did you have any communicating? Or was it about something else?"

Tyler smiles shortly, nearly amused of his preparedness to invest into his past relationship. “No, I mean, we… we talked about things. When the shared life started lose its glamour,” Tyler assures, not sure if he does it for himself or someone else. He just tries to organize the way the things went in the end. “I think we took the simple road and focused on the things that happened in our bedroom. We opened up about our wishes and desires, kinda trying to spice things up. And we did, um, we did, but I didn’t bring up too many things that I had in mind that time. Honestly, I found it pretty hard to propose anything, but went with anything she wanted, and it was great, but I still felt I wanted something different. So," Tyler talks, feeling his throat dry up from talking so much. "I had this one fantasy," he says, staring right in front of him, his dim reflection still there, staring right back at him. "And it was that one time if she would be into using any toys and penetrate me, but..."

He shakes his head, unable to look at himself anymore, slow and disappointed as he tries to get his thoughts in order. 

“I assume she wasn’t overjoyed with the idea,” James aids with his words.

“I could instantly tell that she thought it was weird,” Tyler says heatedly, looking the other right in the eye. “She didn’t judge my thoughts or anything, not directly at least, but didn’t really want to take a part in any of them either. So we just kinda passed the topic and pretended it didn’t happen. And things just started to get worse after that.”

The frustration starts manifesting itself in his gestures, somehow bringing him back to the inability to stay in place. “I remember the first time we had sex after that conversation and she...” Tyler needs to stop, his voice shaking the slightest.

He doesn’t know how to explain. “She looked at me all weirdly, like she couldn’t believe I had such thoughts to be like… pegged or something.” The word is full of venom in his tongue, burning. “She thought I was dissatisfied with her, or wanted somebody else. She said… she said she thought that I wanted Josh,” Tyler spits the rest out in shame, he can tell James moves uncomfortably next to him, probably knowing what their last time did to him, why he reacted the way he did.

“I felt so much shame after it, mostly because she wasn’t completely wrong. You know how I wasn't completely sure about my sexuality, I mean, I don't know if you remember, but we talked about it."

James nods, looking serious. Tyler continues.

"I was so angry with myself and for the fact that I had even brought it up in the first place. It took me some time to even gather my courage to do it in the first place, and then… I felt unwanted. Sex stopped existing in our relationship after that.”

James is quiet, giving him some space to talk, the troubled crease still between his eyes. And Tyler talks, his words come out as they please, running free now that he’s finally talking. He never got a chance to talk about his divorce, and sees how bottled up he’s been for way too long now.

“I didn’t feel good after that. I lost sleep, I lost my everything, feeling like I didn’t even know the person next to me anymore. It was just a coulisse. We were constantly fighting at this point, it wasn’t even about _that_, but I think we both knew that it was there, kind of like a negative tension. But I couldn’t say it, I— I was this close to lose my mind.”

Tyler’s draws in a breath, catching himself before he says anything else. Weirdly, it had been hard to open up about their struggles to anyone at any point, even though he could have done so much to save their marriage. _They_ could have done so much to save it, however something made them give up.

Tyler laughs. “But I mean, I now understand that I enjoy having sex with men too, and it was the thing I was so curious about, but our problems turned to something more up to the point we got a divorce… it was a low blow, I have to admit, I struggled even more than I expected. But it’s a… I got pulled out by Josh, you know.”

Josh had helped him go through it. But he never told the whole story to him, the story that he tells now. And why should he, Tyler had thought even back then, his eyes red and swollen as Josh had held him in his arms after finding him in their half-emptied house. Having spent too much time alone in their house that suddenly felt so huge, Tyler thought he was going to die, an endless headache after crying for so long after she had left, up to the point he had nausea pounding against his skull. However it was never Josh’s burden to know everything about his life, so Tyler didn’t push himself on Josh’s space either. More so, he was concerned that his words would spread to wrong ears, not wanting to become a cheap topic of some ill-minded gossip as his doubts about Josh’s trips back to LA started again.

He was alone when his wife left, but felt even lonelier after Josh returned to his ex. 

James only nods at the end of their silence, simple, Tyler knows. He doesn't want the pity from anyone.

“I understand now. I’m sorry I crossed that border, I had no idea you had that story standing behind your back,” and Tyler scoffs, trying to sweep it off.

“No, don't-"

“But I mean it. Even if it's in the past. I just want you to know that I'm glad that you're figuring things about yourself, and... continue to do so as you go."

The bed makes a noise as the balance shifts with James leaning closer to him again. His breath spreads a ghostly warm touch over his jaw. Tyler tenses at the sudden closeness again. His breathing thickens and slows at the same time, leaning in as the older man grabs his chin just the slightest, making sure he's looking him right in the eye.

"Is this okay?"

Tyler looks at him, wishing he didn't look as touched as he felt. "Yes... Yes."

He means it. James trails his hand down his chest. “I saw you were about to take your usual role last time and that’s what made you so tense. I want to make you relax, Tyler,” James tells him, and he sounds so odd, so compassionate and sincere despite nearly whispering the words out for him, hot. And Tyler, he can't help but believe him, bringing their mouths back together.

Kissing, touching, they start off slow, giving him time to get used to the bigger hands moving along his skin. It's what he wants. And when their clothing get scarcer, Tyler grows harder, feeling embarrassed because they haven’t even done anything yet.

James doesn’t care. His fingers glide over his half-hard cock teasingly, making it clear that this time is going to be something different.

”You’re trying to come off as a guy who has control over everything. But I think… at least here, like this, you want to drop it all and have someone take care of you, for once.” James presses the words out the way he rains down kisses against his bare neck, so accustomed and trouble-free, Tyler envies him for that. And when James tells him he doesn’t have to pretend anymore, Tyler arches into his touch, feeling the bliss of dropping everything right then and there.

There's nothing more he could possibly ask for.

He’s pushed on his back. Laid down so slow, his shirt disappears in the process. Soon he’ll be naked, unhidden with nothing there to keep him from being seen the way he wants to be seen. James works his pants open, smelling his skin but doing nothing to touch him yet— Tyler gulps, looking for purchase with his fingers, curling around the bed covers around his head. It's spinning, his head is spinning, anticipation and arousal both running through his body.

His eyes flutter open when James leaves space between them, saying,

“Touch yourself for me,” and stands up straight, starting to unbuckle his own belt instead. “Take your clothes off, touch yourself until you’re fully hard. I promise you I’ll take care of all the rest.”

Tyler blinks, staring up at James standing up next to him. He's driving his gaze down his body, slowly stripping himself. Tyler whimpers, feeling nearly betrayed underneath the older man’s gaze. He kicks off his remaining layers with force, pushing them down the bed’s edge before laying down again.

Dry palm, Tyler doesn’t do anything to make the friction easier on himself. He moves his fist up and down slowly, tight and chafe from the beginning. Having James standing next to him and running his eyes along his skin doesn’t make it any easier, Tyler is a mess of his own needs in seconds— he tries to kill a pitiful moan, finding no success. He’s hard already, he doesn’t understand why he has to do this, growing impatient. It happens quicker than he’d like to admit, but Tyler can’t help it— he’s about to stop, breathing hitching and desperate.

“Tyler…” it’s not a warning, more like reminder to concentrate on the task he was given, and Tyler grunts, resuming his up and down movements until pre-come surfaces. His face rolls to the other direction as if to protest, he hears James smiling at his reaction. He doesn’t care, shifting to a better position on the bed.

James grabs his knees then, pulling him fully on the mattress as he gets positioned himself. Spreading his legs to desist his personal space, Tyler grants him an access easily. Sighing in relief, he completely misses the moment James produces lube and condoms somewhere from his pocket again, dropping them on the bed.

James leans down, taking Tyler’s mouth for himself. They kiss, slow and sloppy like they started. Wet, the kissing is weirdly able to melt his frustration, no aggression or burning anger behind their actions. The pace is so unusual and deep, Tyler nearly forgets he’s getting unbearably hard between his legs, dizzy.

Soon, he’s leaking and complying to James’ fingers moving in and out of him. The sound of lube squelching between his legs doesn’t sound so weird anymore. He’s starting to step out of his head, painting the outside world with moans and soft sighs, getting lost and still wanting more of it. Feeling several hickeys bloom over the skin of his neck, Tyler arches up against James’ moving tongue after he's done the same thing with his fingers, telling him he’s more than ready. 

“Skip that,” Tyler grunts before the other has time to open a condom, showing his displeasure.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

A silent agreement and the trust between them, James nods, coating himself with more lube than necessary, settling back between Tyler’s legs.

And when James pushes into him in one go, Tyler is losing it in the next, drawing in all the air he can while James settles fully inside him, allowing him to adjust before starting to move.

In and out, James glides inside of him easily. Tyler’s mouth gapes open, inviting. James leans down to press a kiss to the corner of his lips, doing nothing to recede after. Their breaths mix together, Tyler's eyes flutter open, turning his head just the slightest to get a full kiss and it’s given to him, still slow, still thoughtless and he likes it.

He feels warm with someone else finally on top of him, around him, inside him— it’s almost ridiculous, how perfect everything is. James wraps his arms around his shoulders and moves, skin on skin and it’s so fucking good, Tyler could melt. He doesn’t know how they look like together, but now he wishes he did, getting lost in the feeling.

“Feels good,” he sighs the next moment, pulling his knees closer up to his chest and holding them. James waves his hips, bringing a steady pace to his rocking, so generous and gentle with some force still into his moving. Tyler curls up from head to toes, small grunts fleeing and running. And James, he cradles Tyler and lets him lower his heavy head on his hand after he’s unable to hold it up himself, hair poking through the fingers.

Tyler allows himself to be taken care of. Not even a single bad thought enters his head for doing nearly nothing, not even looking at the man fucking into him as his lids are too heavy to be held open. 

He keeps to his bubble, nearly disconnecting altogether until James stops. He stops, abruptly so, only to change the angle and push deep and slow into him. He does it again, repeating everything as Tyler was more aware of his doings, however arching up this time as fire licked up his spine, whiting out his vision despite his eyes are closed. James has found his prostate again, getting back to the usual rhythm then. James moves without breaking it off, constantly hitting the right nerves inside of him, and Tyler is surprised he's still able to phrase a coherent sentence then. “Oh, it feels so good.”

He thinks he’s blessed, feeling James’ fist coming around his cock and jerking him off to the same beat as he works himself into him, doing nothing to hold him back. Tyler has to brace himself then, his blunt fingers press into his own flesh on his thighs, turning white as colors explode behind his eyelids; his seed spills over his stomach in hot stripes of his relief, spreading and messing his chest, his stomach, the fist that moves around him.

Short of breath, panting and overwhelmed of pleasure, Tyler croaks out a wish he didn't know he was holding. He wants to know how much he can take, reluctant to let go just yet.

“D-don’t stop,” he manages, nearly praying for the feeling to last. His fingers are still pressing into his flesh.

“You think you can come again?”

“I-“

“We can try it,” comes the promise with no hesitation. “If that’s what you want,” and Tyler wants to cry. Even still, he hesitates, wondering if he can orgasm again. Looking up at the mess he's made, his cock twitches in either interest or in a spent overdo, he’s not sure. He doesn’t know if he can go after a second one. Looking like what must be called baffled, James leans down to kiss him, telling him that they can keep going as long as he wanted.

They kiss, Tyler's lips feel red and swollen by now. Slick fingers glide over the sweat of his blushing skin, and he comes down, anticipating for more. James moves his hand lower, wrapping it around his softened cock the next moment. Tyler gasps into their kiss breathlessly, legs closing despite knowing he wants.

“I know. Not too fast,” James husks knowingly, gingerly setting his lips around the skin of his neck again, teeth nibbling around the earlier marks there. It makes his body quiver, distracting him just right. James showers him in kisses, affectionate touches and generous praises, and Tyler’s head spins, overwhelmed by the sensations swelling inside him.

James moves down on him, not minding the come marking his skin. Tyler's hands drag against his skin until all he can hold on is James’ hair.

He breathes, staring at the black wall of his closed eyelids. He was told they’d go slow, but the mouth coming around his cock appears to happen way too fast. Tyler gasps, his reflexes force him to move away yet again, but James’ hands pin him down, reminding him of his part in this. And so, he's taken by his mouth again, and Tyler shudders at the wet noises ensuing, altering between moans and whimpers, depending on what James did with his tongue. His cock starts hardening again, growing fully hard surprisingly quick. But it doesn’t make it any easier for him. James’ lips leave their spot with a pop, shoving the same pillow Tyler had held earlier beneath his hips, fingers pumping more lube to spread around his fingers. 

Giving him no warming, James pushes two of them inside him. It goes right against his prostate. Tyler jolts, getting reminded of what a shock wave up his spine felt like. James hums, Tyler moans, feeling his cock be swallowed by wet heat again.

He takes him all the way, wrapping his fingers around him as he moves back up, caressing him with his tongue. Tyler's hips buck once, twice, it gets too much, all too soon. He bites into his own hand helplessly, smothering his need to bellow. His foot constricts, toes curling, dragging against James’ arm as if to kick him away from him, writhing from the pleasure the other was delivering him.

He can’t do it. It only hurts, so good and bad at the same time.

“I can’t— “

James’ tongue slips over his slit, wet and firm against his sensitive cock.

”Stop,” Tyler cries, bucking and hurting, louder and louder “stop!”

James lifts his eyes worriedly, hearing Tyler's voice swell with tears. But his fingers move, move, tongue darting out to swallow around him for one more time before his blunt fingertips press against his prostate to pull back once again, and that’s it. Tyler comes into his mouth weakly, barely squeezing out anything. His body writhes, hips bucking deep into his mouth as more of the salty taste fills James’ mouth, covering his moving tongue. Tyler’s chest expands widely, sucking air greedily in as he’s never felt anything like that before.

The act makes him soften quickly again, lube, spit and come sticking to his groin. He can no more. His whine is awful, barely pushing James’ mouth away from him.

Dropping back down, he feels so heavy, unwilling to move as blood circled back into his body. He tries to find his ability to function, to breathe normally again.

James leaves the bed. Thinking that he’s about to fetch a washcloth with little clear thoughts he has, Tyler is proven wrong as he walks to the side of the bed instead, offering himself to Tyler.

Tyler looks at his erect cock nearly dazedly, still fighting to get his panting down. It’s still moist and red of its color, leaking pre-come and desperate for a release. For a moment Tyler just lays there before trusting himself to move, pulling himself up on his arms and dragging himself along the sheets.

He wets his lips to match the sight in front of him. Wrapping his fingers around James’ cock nearly warily, Tyler needs to get a hang of himself before even trying to do anything.

He feels James’ hand, settling against the back of his neck. He looks up despite swearing not to do it. Somehow, he’s so easy for the other to read again, his uncertainty clear in his eyes.

“It doesn’t take much,” James tells him, his cock twitching in his hand, drawing Tyler’s attention back to it. He moves his fist once, twice, bringing his mouth to work. Dragging his lips against it, Tyler moves to the tip, wrapping his mouth around the older man. Down and deeper, he tries to fit more into his mouth, but takes too big of a step ahead, too fast.

His throat is too tense to swallow him like he wants to, how he’s seen it done to him. Tyler chokes, expectedly so, trying not to gag again as he pulls back up as controlled as he can, starting to cough instead.

“You don’t have to go so deep,” he gets reminded. “Here,” James says and holds himself for Tyler who hacks, nodding with tears in his eyes, going back to his task. Setting his focus on the tip of his cock, Tyler removes James’ hand with his own, letting his sloppily moving fist keep him from choking again.

He wants to do better. His fingers find a rhythm after the choppy beginning, allowing him to pay attention how he works his tongue.

His eyes close. Sucking on James’ cock, Tyler’s tongue presses flat against the underside of it, dragging against the vein. James moans a breathy _yeah_, and it fills Tyler with something. He keeps going, lips popping off with a sound to get more air, however getting off guard as his fist ends up pleasuring the other into his climax. Having no time to catch the come that breaks free in front of him, Tyler resolves to caress him through it. The semen dribbles on his skin but he doesn’t care, wiping it on the sheets soon after.

His breathing shakes, looking at his work in front of him. James’ fingers brush through the short hair on his nape, bringing a scratchy noise. Tyler looks up, James leans down, kissing him on the mouth with Tyler’s fingers still around his cock. Maybe, he did okay after all.

It was his first time sucking a man off.

*

Tyler wakes up to lips attached to his chest. The wet tongue moves along his warm skin, slowly rousing him back to consciousness. 

His eyes flutter open. The lips find their way to his nipple at the same time.

James gives him a lick. Tyler groans, more from annoyance than anything else.

“Rise and shine,” James laughs at his reaction, sitting fully up. He looks at Tyler. “You dozed off last night. I figured you wanted to sleep.” He’s clearly pleased that Tyler passed out soon after their sex, the act wearing him out just right. And Tyler, he stares back at him wide-eyed, somehow freaking out for the fact that James was still there.

“I did,” he stammers out. He covers himself.

“Sorry.”

Tyler rubs his face, messing his hair. “What time is it?” He rolls onto his side to grab his phone from the charger.

It’s a day off. The screen lights up. Even still, James answers him.

“Like, ten in the morning.”

Tyler’s head drops back in the pillows. He passes out again.

When he wakes up, James is not there anymore. There’s a message written on a notepad, set on the small office desk.

He’s asking him out for a dinner. The place and time is marked on the paper with a stupid smiley doodled on the corner.

Tyler sighs. He’s not given any options, is he?

His phone makes a sound at the same time. This time, there’s a text waiting for him.

It’s Josh. He says,

_Text me when you can_, and Tyler quirks his eyebrow, calling him without a second thought.

“Told you to text me,” Josh answers with an obvious smile right away, panting.

“I couldn’t wait,” Tyler answers. “Wanted to hear your voice.” It's not a lie. 

Josh huffs out a laugh, saying _yeah_.

Tyler’s eyes squint suspiciously. “Why are you so out of breath?”

“We finished a run with Glenn just now. We're heading back to the gym to cool off. It’s freaking hot out already.”

Tyler hums, closing his eyes and letting the quiet huffs get carried into his ear. Snapping out of it, Tyler wonders whether he should do some exercising that day too. He knows he won’t though, and goes back to the point.

“What did you want to talk about?”

“Oh, yeah. Debby’s leaving for Berlin today, and Jim is with Jordan in Ohio. I’m driving Debby to the airport later. I was wondering if you wanted to-“ Josh drags out the word, “hang out? Just the two of us?”

“Yes!” Tyler says immediately, blaring with excitement. His eyes land on the note at the same time. His heart drops. “Uh, you said later right? How late are we talking about?”

“It’s a late flight. I’ll probably not be back until like, midnight.”

“Okay, um, yeah. That’s no problem. I have something to do before that but you can drop your stuff off earlier if you want. I mean, if you want to spend the night. I’ll give the other keycard to Mark. You can pick it up from him before you go.”

“You think he doesn’t have his own plans?”

“Dude, he went to that antiquarian thing yesterday. His nose is buried in his comics.”

”Good point,” Josh hushes out another laughter, and Tyler’s heart aches. “Okay. I have to go shower now. See ya.”

Josh’s breath catches for a second, as if he was about to say something else. He doesn’t though, but ends the call instead.

Putting his phone aside, Tyler shrugs. His plates are suddenly full, and it’s not even 2pm yet. Maybe it’s not that impressive after all.

Smelling last night on himself then, Tyler’s nose crinkles up the tiniest bit. 

He needs to shower too.

*

He slept well. He feels better. Surprisingly energized, Tyler finds himself sitting down and eating dinner with the other man later that day. It’s nothing too fancy, but still quite nice. The time goes fast.

Halfway through their meals, James asks him, “Do you want more wine?”

“Are you attempting to get me drunk?” Tyler asks unbothered, and allows his glass being filled. James laughs.

“This is some good wine,” James says to his defense, checking the etiquette. “I promised you more riddles, but we didn’t get on those yet. Maybe I’m just trying to make them more bearable in my head.”

Tyler snorts. “Alright. Hit me.”

“Alright. Um,” James says and purses his lips, gazing at the ceiling and trying to come up with something. “What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?”

Tyler stares at him.

“Quatro Sinko.”

He scoffs. “You didn’t write that. Is the wine Spanish?”

“Yeah.”

“You suck.”

James laughs. Tyler’s lips twitch up into a smile. “You know, a jester should never laugh at his own jokes.” 

“Oh, I see.”

It’s only two glasses of wine, but Tyler feels intoxicated. And at the end of their date, they’re back at the same hotel room with hands peeling off his clothes, mirroring his own actions as he pulls down the zipper of James’ pants, frantically looking to get him out of them.

They mess up the bed again, having no intention to keep it tidy.

Tyler is sat in James’ lap, knees pressing into the mattress as he grinds himself against his growing erection.

“The usual?” James asks him panting, guiding himself harder against the wet patch in Tyler's underwear. “You want it hard again? Or do you want to fuck me instead?”

Tyler snorts at the suggestion. 

“I fucked my wife all those years,” he tells him. “Give me something, a-ah,” and he can't finish that sentence before James has taken his words, lips on his mouth and hands on his hips as he tosses him on his back easily.

Soon, three fingers are moving in and out of his ass. Stretching, forceful and squelching, James works him open, preparing him for more while Tyler pushes back against them, almost begging as the same fingers are massaging his prostate again, but lets out a whine instead. 

He can’t get enough of it. He just loves getting fucked. 

It’s hard and unforgiving again. Tyler’s head rolls against the sheets, his thighs bend tightly against his chest as James folds him up to drive his cock deep into him.

And he’s loud, he wants to be loud, letting people know that he’s desired and fucked into the mattress.

“God, Tyler…”

James’ hand clasps over his mouth, feeding his thirst for air. Tyler moans again, deep and muffled this time. Their skin grows moist around the edges where his breath looks for a way to escape. Tyler tries to breathe through his nose, hard. The bed makes sounds, springing conforming the pressure driven into it, and Tyler just takes it. He takes it.

The hit on his prostate comes without warning, it always does, never receding after finally landing on it. Tyler’s back arches as if forced to jerk up, now desperate to get air into his lungs or he might just pass out. His head tosses and turns, mewling as it’s not given to him. Clumsy fingers, Tyler needs both of his hands to peel the fleshy mask off of his face.

James lets him go. Lips parted and rosy-red, Tyler sucks in air through the cracks of their messed hands.

Electric around the bones and light of his head, Tyler feels James’ hand move over to his throat. He only rests it there, not squeezing or clutching, and Tyler’s eyes water again. He doesn’t know why. It just happens, he has no control over his initial reactions, the end result trickling down to his ear now as one of his legs breaks free to stretch out his sore muscles.

He’s about to come untouched, he knows he is.

”I’m—”

There’s a weird shift in the air then, a cold draft he’d barely be able to register if the air wouldn’t stick right on his heated body, covered in sweat.

Tyler’s eyes flutter open. Suffused by tears, he can only register the sound of the door closing and clicking after. Tyler blinks, starting another trail down his cheek. It happens quietly, obviously so, and Tyler wonders if he imagined it. But James heard it too, turning his gaze at the door before looking back at Tyler.

They stare at each other, panting and wordless, connecting the dots too slow. Then, Tyler’s eyes widen, the realization hitting him like a train.

“Josh!”

*

Of course, Josh didn’t just stand and stay there. He’d left the room as quickly as he had come in, probably figuring what was going on as soon as stepping in. They only heard the door closing after him, so Tyler can’t tell how much he saw or heard, but it was probably enough to make his own conclusions.

Josh was probably just as shocked as Tyler. Scratch that, he was about to freak out, pushing the other away from him and wanting to rip his hair off, but James stopped him, talking him through it.

He’s okay, he’s okay now. James is gone now, sent back by Tyler, unable to calm down fully if he didn't. However James promised to call him later, and Tyler is not sure how to feel about that. 

He lays curled up in darkness on the bed now, dressed and clutching the crumbled up form of his blanket. Josh hasn't come back, and Tyler is not surprised. He was excited to spend time with his best friend as they rarely got to do it anymore these days, something always coming in the way.

Maybe, he could pretend that he didn’t notice him walking in on them. That would be totally plausible, right? He didn’t see anything, too busy getting his ass owned, feeling sure that Josh thought the same.

He can’t do that. Groaning loud into his cover, Tyler curls up. No matter how many layers of clothes he wore, he’s unable to shake off the feeling of the air shifting and traveling up his skin, wrenching him back to present and right down his personal hell.

His skin crawls underneath his clothes again, torturing him. He buries his face deeper, feeling the dull headache coming his way. He’s curled up so tight, it’s a miracle that anything circles in his brain anymore.

He comes up to breathe, eyes red and itchy, the sleepless night taking its toll on him. Knowing his best friend, knowing Josh, Tyler is sure he wouldn’t bring it up, still not sure if he should open his mouth about it either at all.

Walking in on your friend wasn’t even that big of a deal, he doesn't want to feel like a fucking teenager. But this was different, Tyler keeps telling himself. It's so fucking different, he's running out of ideas after having reeled them inside his head the entire night. Josh has nothing against homosexuality, Tyler knows. But he’s still so, so scared. What if he’ll be judged in the end anyway? What if Josh starts thinking differently about him after all? To start avoiding him?

What if everything gets ruined now?

He’s standing between two wildfires. The futile struggle against exhaustion is tempting him to step closer to the inevitable flames that Tyler knows will burn him in any case. He’s just so tired of pretending. He’s so tired of hiding. But what the hell is he supposed to do?

And that’s how he stays, moving only after the sun starts getting up. Having done all the reasoning he can do, there was nothing he could do to change things. Tyler sniffles in the dim light of the rising sun, getting up, giving in.

He needs to find Josh.

*

He knocks on the door. Twice his fist lands on it, dull and empty like his heart despite beating quickly in his chest.

Having stood there for a while, his feet shuffle nervously against the carpeting, wondering if he could still run away.

He doesn’t though, and the door opens. It’s early, but Josh’s face comes to view through the space between it. By the look on his face, Josh didn’t expect it to be him, the astonishment going straight to his voice.

“Oh, Tyler. Hey man.”

It’s tight, somehow panicked but still demure. Getting nothing out to greet him in return, Tyler’s eyes water in shame.

“Can I come in?”

Josh looks at him like pitying him, the answer coming quick. He makes room for Tyler to enter. A nervous tick of his kicks off the second the door closes, and Josh babbles about something completely indifferent that moment, his sudden nervousness catching on his movements.

Tyler sits on the couch, listening to Josh’s indifferent talk about the weather and everything in between. He picks at his nails, cuticles raw and dry. Tyler waits, praying Josh to stop but he doesn’t, and the seconds start drawing blood from his hands.

“Josh.”

Josh stops as if hitting a wall. He’s standing somewhere behind him, Tyler turns to look. Slowly his body turns, gaze landing on Josh who tries his best to look neutral, as if nothing had happened, and Tyler hates it, unable to take that look anymore. He knows, and Tyler knows that he knows, and there was no beating around the bush now. 

They’re not fooling anyone.

”You saw,” Tyler declares, hoarse after no sleep. “You came into my room while I had a visitor over, and you saw.” 

Josh sigh, knowing fully well that he was making a fool of himself.

He comes to sit on the couch, taking the other end of it. And Tyler waits, the anxiety swirls inside of him from the space between them, silence killing his sanity.

Drawing conclusions himself, Tyler turns his eyes away from him. 

“You’re bothered by it.”

“It doesn’t bother me,” Josh tells him instantly, clearly annoyed for getting his thought process interrupted. He always picked his words too carefully, however sounding rather harsh now. “It’s just… I was surprised,” he confesses. ”That… you know.”

Tyler’s eyes are dry now, stinging as he stares at Josh avoiding his gaze.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, really.”

“But you don’t have to leave me hanging. I don't know what goes through your head, man. Just tell me what you think, dammit.”

Josh winces at his tone. “I know, sorry. I just mean... Do I even have to say anything? You don’t need my approval for anything. I mean, of course you don’t. I just want you to know that you have my support. I guess that’s what you wanted to know, right?”

Tyler nods, his heart wrenching in his chest as if having avoided a death sentence.

“I’ve been gay this whole time. Or bi. It’s just that I’ve come to terms with it only now,” Tyler tells him. “Well, it’s— I don’t really know. I’m still having some issues, kind of trying to figure things out with myself. And, well. I guess I would have told you some other way and better time.”

He’s glad they’re in the same page now.

“You could have told me right away, Tyler. We’re best friends, and I love you.”

_Love._

He feels like breaking right there and then. He holds himself together. “I don't know. I mean I didn’t feel very comfortable. I— I’m still not comfortable.”

“Yeah. Shit, I’m so sorry. Debby ended up leaving with her manager earlier than they planned and I wanted to surprise you. But it seems I just fucked everything up.”

“You didn’t fuck up anything, dude. This is just such a weird thing.” He doesn’t apologize about anything, leaning on his hand eyes closed as his headache grows, the stress slowly unfurling.

He’s tired. They’re quiet for a moment until Josh breaks it.

“So, are you like… dating that guy or…”

Tyler’s eyes open. “No. It’s just a sex thing.”

“Oh.”

Tyler wonders whether Josh knew it was James.

Probably not.

He wonders what would happen if he told Josh how he screamed out his name one time when getting his brain fucked out by the very same man that Tyler knows Josh doesn't like. He won’t though, and ignores the twist in his stomach that the memory causes in him, sitting next to Josh. He bites his tongue instead, shivering at the thought.

Josh offers him his hand, pulled into a loose fist.

”Hey man. We’re good, right?”

Tyler looks at it, bumping it with his own. ”Yeah, we’re good.”

Josh smiles, the tense atmosphere solving. “Well, we still didn’t get to hang out last night. Do we have a rain check?”

Tyler takes a better look at his friend, feeling so much warmth inside of him. His smile is a minor one, but he tries.

“Of course. But it’s just, um... Can I… Can I stay here? I didn’t sleep last night.”

“Yeah dude, of course. I’ll get you a blanket and a pillow,” Josh says and gets up, heading to his bed, and Tyler calls for his name, one last rock weighing him down at the pit of his stomach. 

Josh stops, looking at him. And Tyler, he talks, “Don’t tell anyone. Please. I’m- I’m not ready, I’m not ready for anything yet.” 

His voice shakes. Josh nods, probably knowing what he means.

“Of course dude. Take a rest now.”

Tyler nods, curling up and accepting Josh’s offerings, getting as comfortable as he can on the couch that faces the windows. He watches the world fly by, moving on as he has gone on with himself. Tyler blinks, closing his eyes and listening as Josh sits down somewhere behind the couch, moving his fingers on his laptop. Headphones on, Josh resolves everything by listening to music, quietly to not disturb him. 

Tyler knows he can go on like this too. Maybe, his burden has gotten lighter after telling his best friend, however he’s still overalert of everything. Not knowing if his fears would ever go away, Tyler hopes that they’ll eventually lose their power over him. Still listening to Josh’s fingers tap away, Tyler wonders what he would write about to get himself talk about his real feelings as actual words were still too much to be said out loud that moment. 

There’s still so much he wants to tell Josh. However knowing fully well that he had to stay away from the thoughts that made him insecure and falling asleep impossible, Tyler mentally locks these doors, hiding the key into his heart for the time being. He allows himself to drift away slowly, as the steps he’s taken have worn him out despite making him feel so good for a few days. However the passage somewhere else felt like a blessing now as his limbs grew heavy and warm, barely escaping as he had tried so many times before, with Josh somewhere near him.


End file.
